Could we start a discussion on breaking up and broken hearts. Even though it sounds like a SAD thread, someone (such as me) might find such a discussion beneficial. I have loved and recently lost someone dear to me, and I hope someone might identify with my sore heart. Even though I broke off the relationship, and I know it's best for both of us, I feel torn.

sorry to hear of ur break up,things in life are there to test us.we have to be strong and deal with ot,as the saying goes, its better to of loved and lost,than never to have loved at all.it seems like u done the right thing by what ur sayin,i wish u luck in whatever path you take,peace and love and guidance.

Hi "Feel Torn"

I'm sorry. You sound like a woman. Am I correct? What caused the breakup? What are some of this man's good qualities? And What are some of his bad traits? When you say you feel torn, are you torn in your decision? Or is your heart feeling torn as in "crushed" and "broken?" I myself am recovering from a failed relationship.

life goes on my brother.Sometimes when we think now what will I do, just say to yourself it was not meant to be and there is someone out there that is going to cross my path one day and happiness will be mine again and it will be even better.God make good things come to us when he know we are at the right place and time in our lives.

I really know what you are going through. Because I too have broken off relationships and feel guilty and torn afterward even though I know it was for the best. Right now you are feeling down but dont worry you will be okay soon. Sometimes when we do things it is for a wise purpose. Be strong my friend. God bless you.

People come into our lives for a reason. Perhaps your life lesson was learned and it was time to move on to learn the next one. All relationships are to teach us something, its up to us to learn from them. You would not have made the decision to move on if it were not meant to be. I truly believe in fate and if you are meant to be with this person for the rest of your life you will find each other again when the time is right. Perhaps the universe has given you this break to "find yourself"....i am speaking from experience by the way not just spewing crap.

My 2 cents for what they are worth...

Sorry 2 hear I agree. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. Absoutely! Feel torn...I know this may sound corny but time does heal most wounds or at least makes it bearable. My loss came in the form of my soul mate passing away at only 47 years old, my heart is still sore and it's been 6 years at the end of this month. But time passes and life goes on, and I miss him, but so many good things have come into my life because I try and stay positive and know that life is finish for him but not for me by a long shot...and the same for you too Feel Torn. Stay positive, keep an open mind, and you will feel peace of mind once again.

Hi Recovering
Yes, I'm a woman. The cause of the breakup was a series of things, some outrageous, some predictable. He was verbally abusive, and at the same time immature, depending on me to meet his every need. He gave me gifts. I am torn in heart. I know I've done the right thing by breaking off, but it hurts, because this is a man I thought was going to be my lifetime partner and friend. And by the way, he did cheat.

Hi Baby:
This is Dr. Love. Cheer up. Call up that old heartbreaker, strum a few beats on your guitar and sing:

YOU'RE A HEARTBREAKER (Elvis Presley)

You're a heartbreaker,
You're a love faker,
A heartbreaker playing with fire.
You're a tear snatcher,
You're a quarrel patcher,
But you can't break my heart anymore,
For I just found someone else who's sure to take your place.
Someone I can always trust and to fill this empty space.

You're a heartbreaker,
You're a love faker,
But you can't break my heart anymore.

You're a smooth talker,
You're a real cool walker,
But now you have talked out of turn.
You're a high stepper,
You're a eye-catcher,
But you won't catch my glances anymore.
For I just found someone else who's sure to take your place,
Someone I can always trust and to fill this empty space.

You're a heartbreaker
You're a love faker,
But you can't break my heart anymore.

You're a heart breaker
You're a love faker,
A heartbreaker playing with fire.
You're a tear snatcher,
You're a quarrel patcher,
But you can't break my heart anymore.
For I've just found someone else who's sure to take your place.
Someone I can always trust and to fill this empty space.

You're a heartbreaker,
You're a love faker,
But you can't break my heart anymore.

ONE DAY AT A TIME ,TRY A NEW HOBBY , TAKE A CLASS
YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE GONE TO BEFORE, OR DO SOMETHING YOU HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO, KEEP BUSY.
GET UP EVERY MORNING WITH THE PROMISE THAT YOU ARE GOING TO SMILE( A REAL ONE)AT ONE PERSON THAT DAY.

Hi FEEL TORN:

I can empathise with you. You didn't say if you were married. I was. And I tried with every fibre of strength to make things work. He cheated, lied, cursed me, slapped me around. I guess you could call me a battered woman. Perhaps you might need some therapy. I am in therapy, and I'm finding it helpful.

I gave 100%, I listened, I behaved (seriously!).

I was and am there at all levels for my children.

This bigmouth ole' bway know tears that come deeper inside than I knew was there.

I feel stretched but whole.

6 years later emotional scars remain but stubborness, keeping watch on what I eat and what I say, learning to channel a 1/2 century of learning and experience.....in short..

I'm becoming more a giver than a taker.

And still a big mouth!

Be strong! Justice.

i hope these words of wisdom from everybody will help ease your pain and give you comfort, stay stong and positive and true to yourself.

HI "Feel Torn"

First of all, I like the name you have chosen for this site (Feel Torn), because so many individuals seem so detached from feelings and emotions. We live in a world (and around persons close to us) that seem to lack empathy, fellow feeling. I am sorry for your loss and hurt, and hope that gradually the miracle power within you will convert your pain to a life of love and forgiveness. Better yet, I think the following poem captures my sentiments, and I hope it will touch you in a very special way:

FORGIVENESS MEDITATION

The miracle power within me
that is of infinite love
converts pain to a love of life,
as I release the past with forgiveness.

I see my past thought patterns of
blame and feeling like a victim with love,
therefore, I choose creative thoughts words and actions
that manifest my destiny in all areas of my life.

I now channel this healing energy
to flow into my mind, body and soul by
positive thoughts that I choose from moment-to-moment.
I know for myself that all directions of my life will be
for my highest good with the miracle of living life in the NOW.

I give and receive love, therefore,
I am open and receptive to divine ideas
that come to me at the right time and heal my life
with ever-increasing compassion and truth.

I learn to give unconditional love to life,
therefore I am willing to love myself a little more each day
and release barriers of criticism, fear, resentment and guilt.

I radiate love, therefore I forgive everyone who has hurt me
including myself, and I set them and myself free.
I may not condone the actions of the person,
yet I release the person with divine light.

I rebuild a home inside and out that I fill with love,
and know that I am a beloved child of the infinite mind
and this Source loves my eternal soul forever.
I Give Thanks And So It Is ...

~By Roger King

Dear "Feel Torn:"

I also had the following article to post, but couldn't locate it earlier, so here goes:

BREAKING UP & MOVING ON

Whoever wrote the lyrics to “Breaking up is hard to do” was right on the money. Unfortunately, the odds are not in your favor when it comes to experiencing a breakup. In fact, most of us will experience a heart-breaking breakup sometime in our lives. And although no one can fully prepare you for a breakup and there are few words that will ease your pain, we still believe advice goes a long way. So listen up – here is how you can be closer to healing your broken heart. Plus: Are you over your ex yet?

Your Five Stages of Healing
The emotions we go through (also called the five stages of grief) are just as relevant to a breakup as they are to experiencing a death of a loved one. Both can be incredibly painful experiences. Here are the five stages of grief as they apply to a breakup:

o Denial: You deny the breakup has happened and isolate yourself from your loved ones. To help get through this stage, accept what has happened and don’t be afraid to ask for support from those who love you and are there for you.

o Anger: You become angry with your ex and maybe even with yourself for the cause or circumstances of the breakup. To help deal with your anger, write a letter addressed to your ex, without the intention of giving it to him, and really get down and dirty with your feelings. After you’re done, put it aside and come back to it another day, reread it once, then toss it. If you prefer another method, try keeping a journal of your feelings. Writing can be incredibly therapeutic.

o Bargaining: You bargain with your ex to take you back, telling him that you were wrong, what changes you’ll make, and so on. Or, you get others involved in trying to get him back. This stage often involves irrational actions such as calling him no matter how trivial the reason.

o Depression: You might still have those feelings of anger, sadness and guilt, and they begin to manifest into depression. Suddenly you lose control of your emotions and your life. If you find yourself stuck in this stage for too long, you should seek professional help.

o Acceptance: You come to terms with the breakup, and you no longer feel anger or deep sadness. While thinking about your ex is still normal, you’re able to move on with your life to be productive and emotionally healthy again.

Back Away From the Ex

While you’re in the bargaining stage of grieving the demise of a relationship, you may try to get in touch with your ex. There are two reasons why calling, emailing or visiting his house is a BAD idea. First, many women convince themselves that their ex is thinking about them just as much as they’re thinking about their ex. But just in case he isn’t, you don’t want to look desperate and out of control. Second, the more contact you have with him, the less likely you’ll be able to move on. Every time you write to him, talk to him or visit his house, you’re taking a step backward instead of forward.

It’s difficult to fight the urge to get in touch with your ex, but you have to resist it.
This means no making up excuses to see him (I have to get back my one sock back or you know he’ll be at that party on Saturday night). Late night calls are often the result of being emotionally tired, so remember that tomorrow is a brand new day that offers new opportunities and hope. Call your friends to talk to instead.

Shake it Up Socially

When you have a boyfriend, a lot of your individuality as a person can get lost in what becomes your definition as a couple. After a breakup, it may seem more difficult to regain your individuality, especially when everything seems to be connected to your relationship. To regain that individuality, to get in touch with your single, fabulous self, do something you’ve always wanted to do. Sign up for a new rock climbing class, join a book club or volunteer at a hospital. Volunteer work is a great way to turn your focus on others instead of yourself. Avoid the social scene that you and your ex shared. Be open to meeting new people, even the opposite sex. Sometimes it takes a new guy to get over your ex, and that’s OK. But only proceed to a new relationship if you’re sure you’ve healed yourself from the old relationship – leave your emotional baggage at home.

Digest and Learn
To be able to truly move on, you have to fully digest what happened to turn the relationship sour. Identify the reasons that contributed to the breakup, what role you played in those reasons and what you will do differently in the future for a successful relationship. Don’t beat yourself up. Relationships run their course for a reason, and they prepare you for the time when you actually do find Mr. Right. You learn with every experience in life, and breakups are no different.

Two quotes come to mind when healing a broken heart: “Time heals all wounds” and “Where one door closes, another one opens.” Cheesy – maybe. But true – absolutely. While you may not be able to see the light at the end of the dark tunnel now, we guarantee that the day will come when you’ll know that your broken heart has officially healed.

~I cannot take credit for the above piece. I misplaced the name of the author, but the article is greatly appreciated~ (Glasceta)