As I was driving along today, I saw two sights that just made me laugh. I hope you get a chuckle too!

Sea food and eat it hey!!

A Jamaican moved to Barbados and bought a donkey from an old Bajan farmer
for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day, the Bajan farmer drove up and said,
'Sorry, but I 'have some bad news. The donkey dead.'
De Jamaican said, 'Well dat alrite, just gi mi, mi money back.'
'Can't do that. I spend the money already.'
De Jamaican said, 'Ok, den. Just leave the donkey wid me.'
'What are you going to do with it?' the Bajan farmer asked.
Jamaican: 'a goin raffle de donkey.'
Farmer: 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Jamaican: 'Yeah man. Watch. I nah tell nobody it dead.'
A month later the farmer met up with the Jamaican and asked,
'What 'appened with that dead donkey?'
Jamaican: 'Bwoy the donkey raffle off. I sell 1000 tickets at $2.00 a piece
and make a profit of $1898.00.'
Farmer: 'Didn't anyone cuss?'
Jamaican: 'just the man who win. So mi giv him, back him $2.00.
> Jamaican: 'yu have nu cow a sell????'

A Bajan visiting Jamaica sees a flying Johncrow.

Surprised, as he had never seen one before, he observed: "Jamaica turkey fly high eh!".

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says,
"Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings, she's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says,
"Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your Debbie is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be, she has never ever been left alone with a man! Have you, Debbie?"
Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stares out it. About five minutes pass and finally the mother says,
"Is there something wrong out there doctor?"
The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened, a star appeared in the east and three wise men came over the hill. I'll be darned if I'm going to miss it this time!"

There were three pastors (an American, Chinese and a Jamaican) of a certain Christian denomination and they were having some difficulty making a decision regarding their Sunday church offering; specifically, which portion they should keep as salary, and which portion should go to the Lord.

The American said, "Whenever I collect the offering and the service is through, after church I put the money in a box, go outside, take a stick and draw a line on the floor and throw the money in the air. Whatever falls on the right is for the Lord and whatever falls on the left is mine."

The Chinese said, "I put money in box, I dont draw line - I draw circle! I stand in center, throw box wit money in air- whatever fall on outside is mine and what fall inside is for Lord."

The Jamaican then replied "Mi naw draw a circle, mi naw draw a line. All I do is put de money inna a box and fling it inna de air ... whateva de Lawd want, him betta grab it fast cause what drop on de groung a fi mi.

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his banker and his lawyer, both church members, to come to his home.

When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled, and stared at the ceiling. For a time, no one said anything.

Both the banker and lawyer were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them. They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness, and avaricious behaviour that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, the banker said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?"

The old preacher mustered up his strength and then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go."

PURE JAMAICAN !!!!!!!
The photos and the jokes.
:>) :>) :>) :>)
ONE LOVE !!
Mike

Trere was





A English man, a Irish man and a Jamaican man,was traveling together and find they self into a place they should'nt have been,security gaurd hold them up and question them and they could'nt explain why the were there. the gaurd desided to give them a chance to save their life,the gaurd place the English man into a room fill with fly's if he can stay in there for the night he will be free to go, not long ofter he call the gaurd to let him out,so the poor English was kill, then the Irish man, same thing happen to the poor Irish,then the Jamaican time, Jamaican sleep all night the gaurd heard notting of him, when the morning came the gaurd let him out, and ask him how did you sleep with so many fly's he say man mi seep good.
mi filt ina one corna a di room an seep ina the next corna adi room.
ha ha ha good laugh huh, beat this if you can

A 2 year old boy swallowed a 25cent coin.
A 25 cent coin back then was about 1 inch
in diameter.The parents took the boy to the
best doctor in Ja.but the doc. could not get
it out so the doc. ordered an operation. The
mom said wait doc, let me try something else.
So she took the boy to a famous obeah-man.
when the obeah-man done boil up a no. of herbs.
and give the boy to drink, the boy pass out the
25cent in 25 one cent

Only found in America Jokes


Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance...

Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink...

Only in America...do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a diet coke...

Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters...

Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage...

Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place...

Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight...

Only in America...do we use the word "politics" to describe the process so well: "Poli" in latin meaning "many" and "tics" meaning "blood-sucking creatures"...

You know you are in Jamaica when ......

1. even the baddest D.J. becomes a Christian.

2. Yuh have potholes so big when yuh drop in, yuh can come out.

3. When someone is wearing a bubble jacket in 100 degree heat because "dem waan ina de lick"

4. The last general election was called a bashment.

5. It is 96 degrees and you need no shade...because nowhere else in the world could you go and find such peace of mind and contentment wid so much madness and confusion at the same time.

Once upon a time every J'can come from Kingston, now dem seem to come from everywhere but Kingston.

Only in America does one park in the driveway and drive on the parkway,only in America does one play football mostly with thier hands,only in America they ask each other how they doing but never stop to find out.